Saturday, September 29, 2012

Is it the journey or the destination?

My life is crazy.  It's all react, react, react and I'm over it. I want to live with more intention and purpose. 

I'm not a big planner.  More acurately, I'm not good at following through.  The thing is, I have this dream.  Really, an honest to goodness dream.  I'm not a dreamer.  I'm the girl who didn't waste time imagining her wedding dress, wedding, or husband.  I didn't know what I wanted to be when I "grew up".  Fast forward a few years and here I am, a married chick with a kid, a dog, and a house that I own.  And a job.  A responsible job that pays well and offers even better benefits.   Ah, but all is not as vanilla as it seems.

We're actually a round family trying to find our way in a square world.  My spouse is my wife, Mellie (Mel).  We're not married since that's illegal.  We have been together for fourteen years.  We finally had a committment ceremony last year on a lesbian cruise.  Just the two  us (and about 100 other lesbian couples).  The kid?  The awesome kid that we have?  Not conceived from or carried in either of our bodies.  His name is Mathew (Matty) and he is the son of my brother.  We've had him since he was 1.  He's 11 now and is on the Autism spectrum.  The dog is yellow lab named Jackson.  He is the one planned member of our family.  Everyone else just came together from circumstance but sometimes that is the best way, or at least for us. 

The house is in Delaware.  Just a simple, new construction house with a little back yard, but I've got plans for that barren back yard.  I've got plans for our whole lives IF I can quit my job and make them a reality.  Actually, it's the quitting of the job that is my goal.  On the first Monday that I would have been at work but instead get to take my kid to school and come home and make my house a home, I will consider that goal met.  

The biggest threat to this plan is me and my own BS.  If I put too much into this too soon, I will burn out and never meet my goal.  That's just the way I am was.  So I'm going to try to make monthly and weeky goals in order to meet the big goal in the sky.  Think I can pull it off?  Stick around and find out.

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